"Can We Create Something Beautiful?"
My life is such a paradox. I couldn’t be happier to be in college. Its a wonderful place that will prepare me to continue what has been a wonderful life.
Yet, it kills me that I get to enjoy this while my mom is suffering. And now her future is more uncertain than ever.
I don’t deserve to be this happy. She does.
If you deny that it exists, then you are denying the truth.
Denying it is like covering your eyes if its raining and pretending that its bright and sunny…whether or not you accept it, its there.
To be patient is to play well.
Less is more. Overthinking is guaranteeing a loss.
Experience helps.
The less effort you put into winning, the better the chance that you’ll win.
The more effort you put into winning, the better the chance that you’ll lose.
So…the key is to put effort into not putting in effort.
Yep. its effed.
Let the games begin.
And I’m Watching it Disappear Over the Horizon, leaving me in the darkness.
i just had an interview for the “balanced man scholarship” run by a fraternity at Lehigh. I’ve done a surprising amount of interviews for a 19 year old, and this one was by far the most interesting. It went from these formal “what is achievement are you most proud of” questions that I expected to all of these others that I didnt.
For example:
If we were to duel, right now, what weapons would we have?
Tell me a joke.
If you could have any car in the world, what would it be?
Would you rather piss yourself or puke in your bed?
Biggie or Tupac?
Tell me something about the upcoming presidential election
Name the four ninja turtles (I knew they were artists, so I got michelangelo and leonardo, but I forgot donetello and raphael, which i promptly remembered as I was walking out the door haha)
from the interviewers point of view, I would say that their interview would honestly be the best way to get to know the candidates. You can really see how well rounded people are and learn far more than the basic academic and achievement related questions that every other interview does.
It really brings out people’s true personalities. They asked me these questions, all of which caught me so off guard I really didn’t have any time to think about an answer; it forced me to fall back on who I really am and just answer the questions with a minimum amount of actual thinking. it was more “reacting” than it was “responding”, which I think was a good thing.
I had to let go of being prepared and ready and using my brain to think through information, and kinda had to go with the flow and say whatever came to mind.
It was a neat experience. you really do have to think on your feet…
The best was when they asked me to tell them a joke. i woulda been screwed but I remembered one my cousin told me about 5 years ago. Its kinda crazy where your mind goes when its put on the spot to come up with something…I went back to something that I didn’t even know that I remembered. (i probs don’t make sense, but to me I do)
but they appreciated it, and I’ll end with it:
What is the difference between a Kirby Vacuum and a Harley Davidson?
….
The only difference is…..where you put the Dirtbag!
haha. so today is the first day of my pacing break here at Lehigh. I haven’t used tumblr since a week before I left for school. I titled that post “time is flying”…which is funny considering that I didn’t really understand what it means for time to fly. I cannot believe that it is already pacing break; a month and a half since I got here.
I’m going to splurge and write down everything i can to clear my head. it’s going to be long…and I know Eric occasionally reads my stuff, and I just want to give him a heads up=)
The week before I left was quite stressful actually, since I had to get all of my shit together and packed and everything. I was ridiculously anxious/excited to get here and get settled in and get started with everything.
To say that I haven’t had a moment to spare in a month in a half is 100% legitimate. until this weekend, and the last couple of days after my mid-terms, I have had stuff going on all day every day.
That’s not to say that I haven’t enjoyed it. It just gets exhausting at times haha
Orientation was pretty good, but that week was the weekend of that hurricane, and we missed some events and stuff from that.
School itself is so much better than high school. even though I legitimately do homework for 3-6 hours a day, i would take it over high school any day. It’s not that much harder,just much different. a good different.
I’ve learned that I really enjoy economics; at first, i thought that I may be in the wrong major with engineering….but I’m fortunate enough to be in Integrated Business Engineering, so I can basically do both!
But yeah, doing my Economics homework is my much needed break after doing all of my physics and calculus homework.
Grades depend almost entirely on 4 O’clocks, which are Lehigh’s terms for Mid-terms since they occur at 4 oclock, after all classes have ended for the day.
Last weekend and the through wednesday I completely fried myself by studying for them…and It probably didn’t even pay off that much.
I prob did alright in Physics, but i really don’t know. My physics teacher kind of sucks…and he put stuff on the test that we haven’t really gone over the concepts for, so I really didn’t know what to do. I know that I did everything I could to teach myself, so if I didn’t do wicked well then it wasn’t for lack of trying…so I’m not going to be upset with myself if I didn’t do well.
Math is back to being my favorite subject. I probably got a 100 on that midterm…I was so pumped. My calc teacher, on the other hand, is probably the coolest guy ever. He’s got a nice beard, he’s bald, he’s a crazy smart old guy who definitely was a mega-nerd back in the day. but he’s absolutely hilarious and he’s a really good teacher. He doesnt want us to memorize formulas or anything, but to understand the concepts behind what we’re doing so that way we actually learn.
which reminds me, I actually had to write a 8 page paper on the difference between college and high school learning. High school is memorization and trying to get good grades, which doesn’t necessarily require learning. College is different in that it requires rationalization and understanding beyond just grades. but thats another discussion, namely the 8 page paper that I already handed in lol
My calendar in my phone is the only way that I can keep track of everything going on. Lehigh requires first years to do all of these extra bullshit seminars and junk, so while i’m beyond busy on my own keeping up with clubs and stuff, we all have these seminars to go to. which is wicked annoying haha
Haha but school is only half of the college experience…if not, less
As for my friends, I know God was smiling on me when I was put in the hall that I’m in. My Gryphon (the resto f the world’s equivalent to an RA) is one the of the most genuine people I have ever met, if not the most. Of everyone in my hall, my roomate is the person who I could live with the best. we get along really well and are more alike than anyone else i could have been put with in my hall.
I’m friends with everyone in my hall, and I share a lot of classes with my two best buds Charlie and Mike. We basically spend all of our free time during the day working on homework together. It’s really nice sharing majors (Charlie is in IBE as well, Mike’s in engineering) and work ethics. We all bust our asses when it comes to school and I know they take their educations as seriously as I do. It makes the reality of facing hours of homework much easier and less daunting knowing that there are two people next to me doing the same shit haha
I’ve met many friends from everywhere:
My orientation group, pick-up soccer games, my intramural team (which I’m the manager of? haha), Camp Hawk, my classes, my dorm, and random connections that I have with people from random stuff.
but what i really want to say is that Its really good to put yourself out there. I’m glad that I was willing to go out of my comfort zone and go to events and be outgoing…because that is how I know almost everyone that I do. And many of them share my values, which i was kind of worried about coming to a school like Lehigh.so, thus far, its worked out=)
My best bud Sonali is Awesome. We are exactly the same person, except shes a girl. its hilarious how often we say the same things at the same time. Even on our Calc midterm, we both we talking about how we f’d up one of the problems in the same exact way. its hard to explain, but its chill.
Everybody here is basically a genius. Which is cool too, because many of them you would not expect it from. People are really cool like that. You really don’t know anything about anybody just from looking at them. People really surprise you; whether that is in a good way or a bad way is a different question. Its incredible; even in my hall, theres a second degree blackbelt, someone who came in with 45 credits (got 4’s or 5’s on 13 different AP tests), people who are really musical, good with computers, you name it. I don’t know anywhere else I would have run into the people that I have, but its really great.
All in all, its been a fantastic first few weeks. Every day goes by so slow, but the weeks go by fast. Don’t know how to explain that one, but its true. Another piece of advice my dad gave me that has been proven is that you need to do something for yourself often. Mine is a trip to the gym every other day. Its one thing that keeps me sane. last weekwas so hard cause all I did was study, and i didn’t hit the gym once…and I definitely felt the side effects of that.
As for the rest of the weekend, I’m going to catch up on sleep, and watch a bajillion T.V. shows.
I couldn’t be happier. with college, or life.
(Source: hometownblues)
Damn…In one week, I’ll be laying in a hotel bed and I’ll be about to wake up and move into Dravo the next morning to begin my time at Lehigh University. I have much to do by this time next week.
In one week, I will have no reason to associate with anybody who I don’t want to. I won’t be tied to hopedale, and I won’t have to be friends with anybody who doesn’t deserve my friendship, here or there.
Call me an asshole, but that’s a rather intriguing thought.
I’m back into exercise like I used to be. It’s like re-acquainting myself with an old friend.
Just had a revelation. But I won’t say that here, because I can’t say everything here;-)
Going to sleep early to get back on a reasonable schedule.
College shopping tomorrow!
Time is flying.
I’m really losing track of myself. Its almost August, and I can’t even tell you what I’ve done the last month. Like when I try and think about it, its a void. Its a blend of pizza, driving, yelling, and a bunch of random crap.
Time is flying, College is always on my mind (in a good way) along with something else that has been bothering me more than it should. I miss my family, and I really want to spend time with them…but I miss my friends who I haven’t seen at all either.
Today i didn’t have work, and it was a fantastic day.
I hung out with troy tonight. We really havent done too much together all summer because I’ve been working and He’s been on Vacation and working as well, so its kinda messed up that I’ve seen him the last 2 days more than I have the entire summer. Troy is such a great kid. Today is a perfect example.
I found out that my friends were going to play a pickup game of soccer, and I was like “heck yes I want to play!”. But, I knew Troy was leaving tomorrow morning and he texted me to say he was going to be around and he’d stop by my house. I really wanted to play soccer, and I knew there was a game going. I’ve missed every soccer event because I’ve been working, or busy, or something else and I’ve been dying to play all summer. but I obviously wanted to see my friend before I can’t see him for 4 months. Well, I was like “yo dude wanna play soccer?” and troy, who has constantly shit on soccer as a sport his entire life was like “yo i’ll come”. He wanted to play with me and a bunch of milford people he doesnt know, but he didnt care and played with us and had a ton of fun. I didnt think he would, but he didnt miss a beat. The kid has such an open mind and doesn’t worry about any of the stupid stuff. and we all had a great time. It was just a quality day and night with my best bud.
We said goodbye, but it really wasn’t sad at all. me and him look at things very similiarly. A lot of people I know are all sad that they are saying goodbye to their friends and everything. Which, of course, is perfectly understandable. You have your friends your whole life and then you are all off in different directions and you dont see them.
But I’m not sad at all. And neither was troy. We both know we’ll stay in touch, and we’re moving into incredibly exciting stages in our lives. Its kind of like “If it’s meant to be, it will” without the romantic love meaning. I know my true friends will keep in touch, and it isn’t like we’re never going to see each other again. And the people I’m not great friends with will disappear in a sense, and I’ll lose touch with them. And thats just the way it is. It’s nothing to be upset about. You just accept it for what it is, and that that is the way of the world. I can guarantee I’ll remain friends with Aaron, Troy, and a few more people from Hopedale for many years to come despite the distance created by college. And, unfortunately, the majority of people who I’m not really close with I won’t really see much or talk to much. I’ll probably hang out with people on winter/summer breaks, which will be awesome! but in the long run, I don’t see myself staying close to more than 3 or 4 of my really good friends. which is cool. and it isn’t sad.
Everybody I talk to keeps asking me if I’m nervous for college. Like, the first thing they say to me is “Wow, college is soon. Are ya nervous/sad)?” and I keep saying “no, I’m wicked excited”. I really am. I’m not nervous at all. nor am I sad at all. The way I see it, I am beyond lucky to be able to go to college as an 18 year old and I know that I’ll be able to go there and have fun and learn and meet people without having to work my entire time there to pay it off. Like everyone else, I’m leaving my friends. But I realize that I’m going to meet tons of different people and make friends there. And its something new and different, since Highschool really got boring and frustrating by the end.
Its kinda weird…people expect you to be sad or nervous or all of these negative emotions about things…
When I say I’m going to college, and people ask if I’m sad or nervous, they’re thinking about the fact that I’m leaving my house and going somewhere I’ve never been.
Except, neither of those things should be assumed to be bad. haha. I figure its awesome that I’m going somewhere new and leaving the nest, so to speak. But apparently nobody thinks about the fact that I’m lucky to be leaving, but instead that I’m unlucky to be leaving.
I’ve said goodbye to three people recently, all for different reasons. And really, it should all be for the same reason. I said goodbye to troy because he is going to college. which makes sense. The two other people I’ve…well, I haven’t said goodbye, but metaphorically, I have, are for reasons that in my opinion are incredibly stupid and unnecessary. I should have said goodbye to them because of college. but that wasn’t it. And I haven’t talked to them to find out why it has to be like this. but what are you going to do? You can only control your actions, I suppose, and I have behaved exactly as I always will. And I’m content with that. I need to not question myself because there isn’t anything to question. People are going to do what they are going to do, regardless of what anybody else wishes for them. I really need to let it go and not let it make me frustrated or angry as much as it has.
My computer says its 830 am on saturday, and I know it isnt. I love this computer so much, being brand new and all, but I have no idea why the internet-server controlled time is being so ridiculous. It must be close to 130 in the morning, so I’m going to sleep. And since i’ve written all this down, that should be much easier!
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I'm eager and optimistic for the future. And as cliche as it is, I truly do think too much for my own good.
